


Viva il Papa

by meridian_rose (meridianrose)



Category: The Borgias, The Borgias (2011), Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Blasphemy, Crack, Crossover, I Don't Even Know, Multi, Roman Catholicism, Sibling Incest, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-09
Updated: 2012-04-09
Packaged: 2017-11-03 08:06:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/379182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meridianrose/pseuds/meridian_rose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For <a href="http://angearia.livejournal.com/248739.html%20"> The ABSURD Comment Ficathon  </a>  prompt 'Damon becomes pope'  Crack, utterly impossible crack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Viva il Papa

Rodrigo's blood – what's left of it – spills across the Vatican floor. Cesare stares at Damon.

"You killed my father." Cesare is rooted to the spot as a result of Damon's command, his beautiful eyes full of rage and fear; Damon finds himself fantasising about the late pope's son.

"Yes. He really was a bore, wasn't he?" Actually Rodrigo was dangerous and devious and Damon only killed him because Rodrigo was a threat. All that stuff about driving out demons was getting a little too close to home.

"You are the Devil."

Damon smiles at that. People say it is better to rule in hell than to serve in heaven. He's decided it's better to rule on earth under the pretence it's for a heavenly cause.

"On your knees," Damon says and Cesare can't help but obey. No-one in Rome is drinking vervain. It's what might be called a _blessing_.

*

He murders one cardinal – Della something or other, who tries to kill him. As the knife wound heals instantly while the would-be assassin lies, neck broken, on the floor, Damon declares this healing is a sign of God's will.

It's ridiculously easy after that. He gets the rest under his control and he doesn't even have to compel them all to get them on his side.

Then Damon becomes Pope. He doesn't even change his name.

*

"Holy Father," Lucrezia Borgia says, all blonde curls and innocence as she kneels willingly before him. He's circulated a story about a demonic assassin that wounded her father before Damon heroically sent the demon back to hell and promised the dying Rodrigo that he'd take care of his family. Taking care of them is exactly what he intends.

Damon smiles wickedly and strokes her hair. He has already determined he'll have her, and will enjoy every minute of it. He sees Cesare's jealousy showing even through the compulsion, understands that Cesare, too, wants Lucrezia but holds back out of propriety.

He'll have him too, Damon decides. Then both of them together. Maybe even insist that Cesare take her under Damon's watchful eye.

Never let it be said he's without compassion.

*

One of his first decrees is that vervain is evil and must be eradicated.

Another is that communion wine isn't good enough. If these people want to drink blood, make it actual human blood. (Mass becomes a rather odd affair.)

Stefan shows up finally. "What are you doing?"

Damon caresses Cesare's hair as the disrobed cardinal lies in his lap. Lucrezia, also naked, is curled up next to them, her hair fanned out on the pillows.

"Having fun."

"You'll destroy us all," Stefan says.

"On the contrary, dear brother. I'll rise us up." He's got plans, ideas about the sanctity of heavy drapes and the importance of inviting people into one's home. He's planning to build a private army, with spears _sans_ metal tips to destroy his enemies. He's going to eradicate werewolves and witches alike and the populace will obey him and slaughter anyone acting suspiciously because he's Pope Damon and must be obeyed. 

It's almost too easy.

"I can make you a cardinal," Damon offers. "The robes are comfortable and the food is superb. And these two are mine, but there's a brother, Juan, whom you're welcome to."

Stefan leaves in disgust. Damon lets him go. Stefan can run but he can't hide.

Pope Damon is going to recreate the world in his own image.

*

The French king kneels, though to his credit he fights the urge.

"What kind of monster are you?" he gasps before his will evaporates completely.

"I'm no monster," Damon tells him smoothly. Cesare and Lucezia stand behind his throne, one at each shoulder, angel and devil, blonde curls and brown locks. "I'm the pope."

He's utterly naked beneath the outer white robes. It arouses him to receive guests and penitents this way. He never realised before how much of a turn-on blasphemy was.

"Yes, Holy Father," the king says.

Damon smiles and admires his daylight ring. He's eschewed the papal ring in favour of this one for obvious reasons. He holds out his hand to the king who seizes it, compulsion and the desire to please the Holy Father burning like fever in his eyes.

"Kiss my ring," Damon says. The king does.

This is the life. Forever and ever, amen.


End file.
